What You’re after is truth from the inside out. Psalm 51:6 MSG
I walked into the kitchen where my mother-in-love, Edith, is yelling at our five-year-old daughter because she left the chair next to the kitchen counter when she was getting the peanut butter down to make a snack. “What happened?” I ask as calmly as I can.
My mother-in-love refuses to speak to me and, instead, throws the chair across the kitchen and stalks out. I grab my daughter and her baby sister and we leave before I say something I will regret. As I walk down the hall to the garage I can hear my mother-in-love sobbing. I am also sobbing but from pent up anger.
When we come back hours later, no one talked about what happened. When I mentioned it to my husband, he said, “Well, she is going through a lot now that Dad is gone.” And so, another wall went up.
As I replay that memory in my mind I can feel a wave of anger and sense of hopelessness. I feel so tired and helpless. Worst of all, I feel believe that I am stupid for not standing up for myself in a more assertive way. The good news is that our memories are flexible and who better than the Holy Spirit to reshape this painful event and bring me peace right where I need it the most.
As I let my mind take me back to that difficult time, I ask Jesus to reveal to me where He is in all of this mess. He is right there in the middle of it all. He is shielding our daughter and has a sad look on his face as he reaches out to my mother-in-love. The compassion in His eyes melts my hard, angry heart. I feel his heart toward her. I no longer feel the need to run away from it all.
If I could do it over, I would hug our daughter and then go knock on the bedroom door. I would talk to her and offer to pray with her. I cannot do that now because the years have passed and my mother-in-love has moved to Heaven. Still, I feel peace in that memory and thank the Lord for the honor to serve her.
Active Self Nurture
Face what you are feeling
Do not be afraid to express exactly what you’re feeling. Your Heavenly Father already knows, so why try to hide it? Admit your fear or your anger. Own the feelings instead of trying to pretend that everything is okay.
Ask the Lord for His perspective
Once we honestly face what we are feeling we can open our hearts to the true perspective the Lord can bring. It’s amazing to me how different a situation becomes when we see it from an eternal Godly perspective.
Prayer
Thank You, Lord, for giving me emotions that can let me know when something is wrong. With your help, I will take the time to process what is truly going on. I release all anger to You and ask for Your perspective in the difficult situations that I face as I care for __________________.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.
