So no matter what your task is, work hard. Always do your best as the Lord’s servant, not as man’s, because you know your reward is the Lord’s inheritance. You serve the Lord, the Anointed One. Colossians 3:23-24 (Voice)
Are you a caregiver? Do you know someone who is? No doubt the answer to these questions is “yes.” By conservative estimates, there are over 43.5 million informal caregivers in the United States (from research by AARP in 2015). These individuals volunteer their time to care for basic needs of others. They often feel underappreciated and overworked. Worse yet, they may become ill because they are not caring for their own needs. The ABCs of Self Nurture for Caregivers series in the #write31days challenge is motivated by my own experiences as a caregiver in four difference scenarios over the last 30 years. I encourage you to take care of yourself in the midst of the chaos and uncertainty.
Why do you do what you do?
I ran out to the back yard and stood staring at the stone wall for a few minutes. The anger that rose up inside me overwhelmed me. I felt stuck!
My 5 year old daughter had moved a chair over to the kitchen counter to get something down. She had not put it back. When my mother-in-law, Edith, came in to the kitchen she was furious and threw the chair across the room. She started yelling at my daughter and I stood between them. I spoke calmly to Edith even though inside I was fuming.
“How did we end up here,” I asked myself over and over again.
Just a few weeks before it had felt like the “right thing to do” to move in with Edith. She was refusing to eat and stayed in bed all day.
She had cared for Joe, her husband of over 50 years and seemed stuck in the anger stage of grief. Suddenly, she seemed unable to make even the smallest of decisions.
What would I do differently?
Wow! I have given this a lot of thought as I have rehearsed the four different caregiving scenarios of my life in order to write The Power of Hope for Caregivers: Honor the Ride. This was my first experience and the one where I made the greatest mistakes. I wish I could go back and apply a heavy dose of honor to all that I accomplished.
I would have looked for other solutions. I would have spoken my mind more clearly and not felt like I HAD to do anything. I would have laid it all out on the table instead of being the long-suffering, dutiful, sweet daughter-in-law. I would realize that I didn’t have to do it all.
Please realize that you always have a choice even though at times it may not feel like you do. If you currently feel stuck in a difficult situation, apply hope and honor generously. Hope says that the results will be worth every bit of work and effort. Honor says that you value that person and serve them with love because one day you will no longer have the opportunity to do so.
I will be sharing more details of my caregiving ride in the next 31 days. I have also written a book called The Power of Hope for Caregivers: Honor the Ride that will be released in November.
Active Self Nurture
Change your reference point
I was so angry after we first moved in with my mother-in-law that I was blinded to the truth of how this experience was shaping me into the person that I am today. I felt that no one heard me and that my vote didn’t matter. What a lie that was! It made times tough in our marriage. Partner with your spouse and siblings on caring for your loved one.
It is important to change your perspective from a day-to-day mind numbing stumbling down a dark hallway by switching on the hope light and choosing to move forward with honor for the process. This season won’t last forever. It’s not the end of the world. Instead, it’s a tremendous opportunity to grow and get truth from the Lord.
Honor what you do
I know you probably are not receiving a salary but you are bringing tremendous value to the family dynamic. You can be trusted to bring the absolutely best care for your loved one. You will learn a great deal in a short period of time. Your contribution is priceless. Let others know what a privilege it is do what only you can do. Reframe the words you use to describe your role. Honor where God has placed you.
Look for an eternal reward
Now this is a harder one to do in the day-to-day grind of caregiving. The person you care for may be grumpy and unkind. They may never thank you. They may have dementia and not even remember who you are. Still, you can do this as “unto one of the least of these” (Matthew 25:40). This is the term that Jesus used in thanking those who had fed him and clothed him. He said that because they had done it to those who could not do it for themselves they had done it for Him. This is the best motivator of all. You may have to remind yourself from time to time.
Prayer
Thank you, Lord, for the privilege and honor to accept my role as caregiver for _____________. I thank you for the strength and courage to honor this role as one that You have given me. I want to do it well and I know that You will allow me to do my best as Your servant. I want to care for this one who needs me in the way that You would.
In Jesus’ name.
Amen
For the rest of the alphabet in the ABCs of Self Nurture for Caregivers please click here.
Karen Sebastian-Wirth has, over the years, lovingly cared for her mother-in-love, mother, father and husband. She certainly has learned the lessons of hope in what can become a treacherous ride over some rough waters. You will enjoy her candid approach to self nurture and the practical ways to take care of yourself. Her new book The Power of Hope for Caregivers: Honor the Ride will be released in September, 2018.
Author, speaker, corporate trainer, ordained minister and Hope Catalyst, Karen Sebastian enjoys sharing her rich life experiences with others – engaging them in adventurous discoveries of the beauty of hope in a dark, cloudy world. Her books will inspire you to embrace hope no matter what you are going through.
